30 iunie 2006

Love letters

Love letters

TO MY DEAR WIFE:

TO MY DEAR HUSBAND:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days.

The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean
17 times it was too late
49 times you were too tired
20 times it was too hot
15 times you pretended to be sleep
22 times you had a headache
17 times you were afraid of waking the baby
16 times you said you were too sore
12 times it was the wrong time of the month
19 times you had to get up early
9 times you said weren't in the mood
7 times you were sunburned
6 times you were watching the late show
5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo
3 times you said the neighbors would hear us
9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because:

6 times you just laid there
8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling
4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with
7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished
1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat
36 times you did not come home at all
21 times you didn't cum
33 times you came too soon
19 times you went soft before you got in
38 times you worked too late
10 times you got cramps in your toes
29 times you had to get up early to play golf
2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls
4 times you got it stuck in your zipper
3 times you had a cold and your nose was running
2 times you had a splinter in your finger
20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day
6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book
98 times you were too busy watching TV

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.
I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"
The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

27 iunie 2006

Ideal day

Ziua ideală a unei femei:
Ziua ideală a unui bărbat:
08:15 - Trezire prin săruturi şi gîdilarea cu ajutorul unei petale de trandafir din import.
08:30 - Măsurare pe cîntar - 2 kg mai puţin decît ieri.
08:45 - Micul dejun în pat (croissant, suc de portocale proaspete). Deschiderea cadoului (inel cu diamant de 5 karate ales de partenerul atent).
08:50 - Ştiri la "Shopping channel" (mari reduceri la "Gucci").
09:15 - Baie fierbinte în uleiuri mirositoare.
10:15 - Relaxare uşoară prin fitness cu ajutorul unui antrenor personal amuzant şi bine clădit.
10:30 - Îngrijirea tenului, manichiura, spălarea părului, coafatul.
12:00 - Prînzul cu cea mai bună prietenă într-un restaurant.
12:45 - Întîlnirea fostei prietene a partenerului şi constatarea că s-a îngrăşat 7 kg.
13:00 - Shopping cu cea mai bună prietenă (carte de credit nelimitată).
15:00 - Somnul de după masă.
16:00 - Primirea a 35 de trandafiri de la un admirator secret.
16:15 - Masajul cu ajutorul unui maseur privat, puternic, dar tandru, care exclamă că niciodată pînă acum nu a masat un corp atît de delicat.
17:30 - Alegerea şi încercarea îmbrăcăminţii scumpe şi unicat. O mică paradă de modă în faţa unei oglinzi.
19:30 - Cină la lumînări. Dans şi complimente.
22:00 - Duş fierbinte (singură).
22:50 - Purtată în braţe pînă la pat. Cearsafurile proaspăt spălate şi parfumate.
23:00 - Giugiulire.
23:15 - Adormirea în braţele partenerului.

06:00 Trezirea.
06:15 Sex oral.
06:30 O lungă distracţie satisfăcătoare în WC cu ziarul sportiv.
07:00 Micul dejun: şniţel parizian şi ouă, cafea şi toast, pregătite şi servite de slugi goale şi blonde.
07:30 Soseşte limuzina.
07:45 Cîteva pahare de whisky în drum spre aeroport.
09:15 Zborul în avionul particular.
09:30 Limuzină cu şofer pînă la clubul de golf (sex oral pe timpul călătoriei).
09:45 Golf.
11:45 Prînz: fast food, 3 beri, sticlă Dom Perignon.
12:15 Fumatul trabucului.
12:30 Golf.
14:15 Limuzină înapoi pînă la aeroport (cîteva pahare de whisky).
14:15 Zborul spre Monte Carlo.
15:30 Plecarea la pescuit. Toate fetele de companie sînt goale.
17:00 Zborul acasă.
18:45 Relaxare la WC, duş, bărbierit.
19:00 Ştiri: Michael Jackson asasinat, marihuana şi filmele porno sînt legalizate.
19:30 Cina: caviar pentru aperitiv, Dom Perignon (1953), un biftec mare, îngheţată servită pe sîni goi.
21:00 Coniac şi trabuc în faţa unui televizor mare.
21:30 Sex cu 3 femei (toate trei cu înclinaţii lesbiene).
23:00 Masaj şi scăldat în jacuzzi cu pizza şi bere.
23:30 Sex oral pentru Noapte bună.
23:45 Întins singur într-un pat imens.
23:50 Tragerea a 4 pîrţuri, care au schimbat 4 tonalităţi şi l-au alungat pe cîine afară din cameră.
00:00 Adormirea.

21 iunie 2006

Felicitari National FM

Un post de radio descoperit recent (cam de o luna): National FM

Muzica absolut superba.

Doar un exemplu de la ei:

CHRIS DE BURGH - Lady In Red

I've never seen you looking so lovely as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright
I've never seen so many men ask you if you wanted to dance
They're looking for a little romance
Given half a chance
And I've never seen that dress you're wearing
Or that highlights in your hair
That catch your eyes
I have been blind

The lady in red is dancing with me
Cheek to cheek
There's nobody here
It's just you and me
It's where I wanna be
But I hardly know this beauty by my side
I'll never forget the way you look tonight

I've never seen you looking so gorgeous as you did tonight
I've never seen you shine so bright you were amazing
I've never seen so many people want to be there by your side
And when you turned to me and smiled it took my breath away
And I have never had such a feeling such a feeling
Of complete and utter love, as I do tonight

The lady in red is dancing with me
Cheek to cheek
There's nobody here
It's just you and me
It's where I wanna be
But I hardly know this beauty by my side
I'll never forget the way you look tonight

I never will forget the way you look tonight
The lady in red
My lady in red
I love you


Youtube video: CHRIS DE BURGH - Lady In Red



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Update 21 Sept 2010: doar muzica populara, de ceva ani. Dar national fm a fost un post ok mult timp.